OK, so you met a guy. It was all going so well and all of a sudden he’s pulled back. You don’t know why. You’re confused, you don’t understand and you just want to do something to make it better. Know what? I have been there so many times before so I guess we have something in common. Here’s what to do. Nothing! Well at least nothing straight away anyway. Now before you click away, I’m sorry but that is the only way to get him back. Read on to find out why doing nothing is the best way to get back on track.
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But I Just Want to Do Something to Make it Better!
When something that you have placed a great deal of value on starts to fall apart then it’s natural to want to pull out all the stops to save what you have created. Hopefully I can get you to realise that it’s worth being patient, waiting and doing nothing. Believe me, doing something at this moment is counterproductive – the whole reason it is falling apart is for one of three reasons:
3 Reasons Why He Withdraws
Reason #1 – He’s just not interested in progressing the relationship.
Perhaps he’s scared of relationships, or there’s someone else that he’s really into, or he’s married and been stringing you along, or he just doesn’t want (or is not capable of) an emotional commitment. When a man withdraws he may be telling you that he doesn’t want a relationship with you. When men tell you they don’t want a relationship, you should listen. How pointless it would be to try and force a man into having a relationship with you just because you want it! What is a man going to give to a relationship that he doesn’t want to be in? Please value yourself enough to only want men that want you. And that’s one reason why doing nothing is the only way to proceed. But don’t give up yet. Read through the following reasons to see if there’s anything you can salvage.
Reason #2 – He’s busy with other things.
You only just met, right? So, you can’t expect to be on the top of his priority list just yet maybe? A man generally doesn’t want to change his life overnight or give up on all the things that he is used to doing. He may be busy at work, or have something that is taking up his time and attention. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t want to see you again. But if you badger him into giving you his time rather than his own priority tasks he is going to end up resenting you. Again, you are trying to force him into a relationship with you. You must be patient and wait a while and that’s why you need to do nothing. For now. Because chasing him will drive him away.
Reason #3 – You’re too available to him, you’re not enough of a challenge, or you’re coming across as overly keen and scary, which basically amounts to the same thing.
Again, you chasing him will feel to him as though you are trying to push him into a relationship that’s he might not be ready for. It’s time to pull back and see if he comes after you – so you have to do nothing. We have already established that when you try to push a man into doing something he doesn’t want, it will not work.
It’s So Hard to Do Nothing!
So, do nothing. At least for now. Whatever you do to rescue the situation will not work. Repeat – will not work – because when you show him, early on, that you are already more invested than he is in having a relationship, you will scare him off. If you continue to push then I promise you that he will continue to pull away. Really, I do know how hard this is but you must learn to control your emotions if you want to succeed with men.
But When Can I Do something?
I’m not saying that you can never text or call a man, but if you do so (which I bet you already have) and he does not respond, then you stop right there. His silence is feedback. Re-read the reasons above and do nothing further. (If you don’t get this can I suggest that you sign up for my dating success guide and email series? There is no cost and you will learn why men are the way that they are during dating, and how to handle dating successfully.)
Patience is Essential to Succeed at Dating
Your only option is to stay cool and wait for him to come back. If you can do this, there is a good chance, if you haven’t already pushed it too far, that he will. If you carry on pushing for what he feels unsure about, your relationship with him is doomed. If he is the kind of guy that is just out for a good time, then whatever you do, you can always look forward to getting hurt if you give too much anyway. That’s why it always pays to be cautious.
And if he doesn’t come back then you have to let him go. It really is your choice whom you let into your life, your bed and your affections but it is never your choice whom you have to let go of. When you realise this you can take appropriate action to protect yourself, your heart and your feelings. It’s up to you. Put looking after yourself above wanting a man and the rest will soon fall into place.